Dear Boozeman,

After reading your discourse with the MADD lady and freaked, I have to agree on your advice to use moderation in all things. Having come up through the ranks of Irish immigrants, it is well known that booze can substitute for many expensive, sometimes needless or extravagant services. While counseling and medical care are critical when required, they need not be employed to cure the minor scrapes we all endure through our lifetimes . The key here is applying reason and wisdom to judge between foolishness and necessity. The nuances: paying a therapist to act as a friend because you are lonely, or getting so much plastic surgery that your nose collapses. The nose job needs to go for counseling to accept himself, and the other needs to get off the couch and go make a true friend!

For instance, I fondly remember my parents applying “the wiggle test.” If one of their beloved children crashed into what should have been an immobile worldly fixture (e.g.: brick wall, canyon floor, asphalt), before carting us off the emergency room, we would be asked to wiggle the offended part. A wounded hand or leg was easily triaged by applying said wiggle principle.  The ability to wiggle one’s toes, fingers, or entire appendage was indicative of retaining function and the continuation of life. While the science was not exact, we all grew up with all of our parts working (to some degree anyway).

Today, I would never recommend other treatments we received as children, for fear of being jailed. Irish whiskey on a toothache, and pickling cold germs with whiskey, honey and tea were all common in my childish days of yore. The medicinal tea or a shot of Rock n’ Rye cured cold symptoms better than that alcohol laced cough medicine we pour down our kid’s throats today ever will! Many times a stress headache, muscle strain or menstrual cramps responds  wonderfully to a nice glass of wine, and we all know about the health benefits of small amounts of red wine with meals. However, reason must be applied to what is remedy, and what is idiocy. Clearly, if you have lancing, terrific pain and you have previously taken ANY medication, drinking could cause a real disaster.

Your words are kind with common sense and care, and this is what people often fail to apply to their own situation. Drinking yourself into oblivion because you are in intolerable pain is certainly like hammering that nail into your hand… you need to fix the cause of that pain, and obtain help if you cannot do so alone. Alcohol can enhance what we have, not replace what we don’t. So thank you Boozeman, you remind us that family, friends, and caring are the most important mixer that one needs to make any kind of cocktail.

Booze Blogger

Well Hello Booze Blogger:

The Boozeman is wholly impressed you took the time to spend more than a few words on our humble website.  Seldom with our demanding schedules related to work, family, and happy hours do most of us take the time to share our thoughts.  It’s apparent to The Boozeman you are thoughtful, eloquent, and more than likely was having an adult beverage as you wrote.

The “wiggle test” is of interest to The Boozeman.  It occurs to me this simplistic test may be of particular value to the medical field and pharmaceutical companies.  I feel the makers of Viagra may wish to encourage doctors to work this test into the requirements for getting a prescription.  The Boozeman is honored to make way and give room for your writings.

The Boozeman

Dear Boozeman,

I can't believe that you missed the opportunity to take advantage of St. Patrick's Day on your website.  I mean, it's only the biggest beer holiday on the planet.  Who doesn't like green beer?  LOSERS!  And yet, nary a mention from the Boozeman.  What's up with that?


So Disappointed

Dear Soooo.. Disappointed:

You ask a great question of The Boozeman.  Your question shows a high intellect of no doubt.  As in all things in life, we are faced with choices of which things we value most.  After great thought and evaluation, we prioritize our lives and our actions. 

With your obvious high intellect, The Boozeman is not surprised you missed a very simplistic nuance related to The Boozeman and St. Patrick’s Day.  When The Boozeman was faced with the sacred St Patrick’s Day holiday, I was forced to choose between living St. Patrick’s Day and writing about St. Patrick’s Day.  I chose actual reality St Patrick’s Day and left the virtual reality St. Patrick’s Day to others.  Since The Boozeman’s St Patrick’s Day festivities started on the Friday before, there was little time for anything else.  Thanks for writing, The Boozeman is touched you noticed I wasn't here.

The Boozeman

Hi Mr.Boozeman,

I am writing to you about someone that I used to be close to and I think that they have lost there mind.  Can you help?   This person went from not drinking for many years, would complain about people that drank and there behaviors and now this person is acting like the people they hated to be around.  They would even keep there children from people that were obnoxious and drunk and now this person is full blown with drinking, smoking and careless parting.  Acting as though they are 21 again.  What do you think happened with this person.  Can you help.  What advise can you possibly give on a situation like I have mentioned about above.  Do you think it is wise to have a website that promotes drinking. 


Erin O'Reilly
Director of Communications at MADD

Hello Erin! 

It’s great to hear from you.  To start off, I would like to point out, that it’s “The Boozeman”, not “Mr. Boozeman”.  As a working man, I don’t hold myself in such high esteem.  Although I am not qualified to answer your question fully in a clinical way, I will share my feeling as I sip on a beer made in Holland, called Grolsch.
Your loved one, (which you  “used” to be close to) is still a loved one; that should not change.  They need you now more than ever.  That person is breaking the classic rule of… most things in life are great in moderation.  As an example, The Boozeman has a serious soft spot for the quarter pounder with cheese meal at America’s favorite fast food restaurant.  The Boozeman knows too much of a good thing is not always a good thing.  I don’t over indulge at fast food, but can still enjoy it very much.  The Boozeman also loves good beer, but the same rule applies.  If every time I picked up a hammer, I drove a nail through my hand, I may not want to pick up hammers anymore.  This may sound over simplistic, but the same rule applies to most things in our life.  Yes, from gambling, to chocolate, to TV, to good organizations, to meal time, to even working out, too much of a good thing, will tilt the balance of who we are and effect the people around us.  Your loved one, if alcohol is becoming who they are rather than what they enjoy, may want to consider being the highly prized friend that is the designated driver.

As to your last poignant question, which we do take seriously, and of course we will address, we do care about our customers, as well as you , and all people on our planet.  As The Boozeman has mentioned, too much is too much.  If we were to gauge all we do, or all we say, by the over indulgers among us, there wouldn’t be fast food restaurant websites, nor restaurants marketing Buffalo wings, nor shopping channels, nor websites that tout Las Vegas.  We can also include advertising firearms, to signs advertising for tanning salons, to pornography, to mortgage debt, to internet use, to talking on the phone, to fishing and hunting,  to use of tobacco, to amusement parks, to caffeine, diet pills,  or other legal stimulants, and any other legal activity, if used in moderation, is no harm to the individual or their loved ones. 

All of the above mentioned, if abused, can cause heartache, which Boozelife wishes on no one.              

The Boozeman

Dear Boozeman,

Lately I have been down on my luck. My house has been robbed twice in a month. I've thought about blowing up the neighborhood but quickly realized I couldn't come in possession of enough explosives to do the job. So I decided to drink myself into a state of oblivion. Was that the right choice? Should I repeat every month when they break in again or should I repeat this drunken stupor more often in preparation? Please help.     

Got Nuthin Left in Loserville, FL

Dear Nuthin from Nuthin Leaves Nuthin:

The Boozeman is sorry about you getting robbed.  To add insult to injury the bastards took your high explosives too!  Is there nothing sacred?  Because The Boozeman doesn’t hold much in the way of worldly possessions, I’ve never been through this heartache.  In case you haven’t noticed on the website or your Booze life shirt, I am naked with not even clothes to steal.

Regular drinking can solve many of today’s dilemmas so I believe you are on the right track by drinking yourself to solving your problem.  I do however recommend one other ingredient to your drinking.  Add lots of people!  It’s party time!  Besides the fact drinking is like sex, the most fun when not alone, having parties will insure major amounts of left over people from the party the night before.  People who are drinking can’t drive home.  You’ll have built in security!  Thugs don’t rob houses full of people.  Problem solved!  Now, stock up your bar, go buy plenty Nachos, over serve your guests, take their car keys, and have a good time protecting your belongings

The Boozeman

Dear Boozeman:

With all of the uncertainty I hear on the news about jobs and the economy, I am finding myself all stressed out lately.  Every little thing is bothering me and I find myself worrying all the time.  Is there anything a guy like me can do about this problem?

Freaked out in Freakville

Dear Freaked out:

There sure is something you can do Freakboy!  I offer you a time-tested solution that works almost every time.  Consider the following the next time you’re BVD’s are too tight.  After a long stress filled day of watching the news, take a trip to your favorite local tavern.  Take a seat at the bar, a booth won’t work, and order your favorite adult beverage and relax.  Tell your trusty bartender about your problems while you order a second drink and share your burden with them.  Keep talking and ordering drinks until you see two of your trusted bartender.  Then and only then will you be cured.  Now tip your bartender heavily and call a cab for a ride home, you're drunk.  Repeat as required.

The Boozeman

The Boozeman Gives Back! 

If you would like to write the Boozeman to ask a question or get advice, e-mail and he will be sure to get it.
Dear Boozeman
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.